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Moving Gliding by ~mboubou:iconmboubou:

Categories Literature > Poetry > General Poetry > Song


.



Moving Gliding on a rail finding somewhere to glow
it's persistence of memory it's smoothmix harmonics
it's over and over and over turning and rolling I'm all right
Singing Clapping in a car nestled up to the window
I hum my echo back to the metal and glass
over and over and over back and forth I'm all right
Smoking Smiling with the people I know
we reflect and refract and the silence is beautiful
over and over and over night after night I'm all right



.
©2005-2009 ~mboubou
:iconmboubou:

Author's Comments

I turned this one over to my very talented friend Justin, and he's managed to butcher it in song. I can't even read it without hearing him sing, and to be honest, I love it.

This is a double shot of ooey gooey warm fuzziness for those of you out there who need it once in a while. Short and sweet, lemme know if it helps.

:)

Comments


love 0 0 joy 0 0 wow 0 0 mad 0 0 sad 0 0 fear 0 0 neutral 0 0
:iconprestonmeyers:
~PrestonMeyers Jan 1, 2005, 1:30:21 PM
it works wonders. i love it. just what i needed to start off the new year! =) very sing-song-y. magnifique.

reminds me of that post-rave, driving-home-towards-the-dawn feeling. we'd pop in some Radiohead and sing along as we headed back, until one by one everyone but me had drifted off to sleep. one of the very few times i'd turn off the music while driving...and just glide along in (relative) silence.

--
how can this mean anything to me if i really don't feel a thing at all?

i'll keep digging till i feel something
:iconmboubou:
~mboubou Jan 1, 2005, 1:51:17 PM
Mmm. Great comment, thanks. Now you're making me feel warm and fuzzy!
:iconshiroitora:
~shiroitora Jan 5, 2005, 3:46:37 PM
Reminds me of driving around the mesa with Motley Crue playing, though I'm sure your soundtrack was slightly different. =)

--
Be one with the grasshopper....and coat yourself in chocolate. You too can be crunchy, delicious and vaguely disturbing.
:iconshiroitora:
~shiroitora Jan 5, 2005, 3:57:57 PM
Reminds me of driving around the mesa with Motley Crue playing, though I'm sure your soundtrack was slightly different. =)

--
Be one with the grasshopper....and coat yourself in chocolate. You too can be crunchy, delicious and vaguely disturbing.
:iconimperfect:
`imperfect Jan 8, 2005, 6:01:00 AM
I read this when you posted it and i keep coming back to it. I _really_ like it and i am in two minds as to weather i want any punctuation or not. It needs a few reads to get your head around the lack of punctuation i think, but once you have it does work.

I would consider adding some though :( especially because i want a break before "i'lm all right".

I love the repetition though, it adds an urgency wonderfully and i'd really love to read this at an open mic session if you'd let me?

--
coffeehouse is selling out!
:iconmboubou:
~mboubou Jan 8, 2005, 7:37:26 AM
I agree about adding some. Especially when I typed it up to post it here, I noticed its compactness. But not just yet.

I'm glad you like it, and thanks so much for the :+fav:!

You are welcome to read it at an open mic. I've never listened to your audio links, because in general I detest spoken word, but if you could record it so I could hear it that would be fascinating. Now I'm all excited!
:iconkcinm:
~kcinm Jan 12, 2005, 5:55:45 PM
Thought I'd return a critique.

I like this one. It makes me feel all tingly inside.

My only complaint is with the word Clapping in the 4th line. While the rest of the piece feels smooth and appeasing, to me, clapping is loud and irritating. But then again it does kind of fit because claps usually do have a repetitive nature and this piece is just full of repitition.

Also, as an alternative to punctuation, you might consider more line breaks, but that might throw off other aspects of the structure and the rhyme. I dunno, maybe not necessary.
:iconmboubou:
~mboubou Jan 14, 2005, 11:09:09 AM
Thank you for your comment. I'm glad you like it!

Clapping is different for me. When someone cracks a great joke, or I find myself doing something odd in public, I burst into laughter and clap. So it's an expression of joy for me, and not an annoyance.

I thought about more line breaks. Handwritten the form looks great, but typed it does seem cramped--a big brick on the page. However, I thought splitting into stanzas would ruin the continuity, which is key.

Down with punctuation! :p
:iconkcinm:
~kcinm Jan 15, 2005, 6:22:01 PM
Yes, I can see that, it just isn't the first image that popped into my head. Now that I think about it, it's probably because my clap is so loud and obnoxious. (The technique took a while for me to perfect.)

:laughing: Yes, down with punctuation:!:
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